I'm still learning the whole "one serving of food at a time" thing. I want to eat half of a pizza or more, even though the serving size is 1/4 of one. I want to eat 3 sugar cookies instead of 1, and I want to eat a whole box of macaroni and cheese & not just 1/3 of one like the box suggests. Why have so little, when you can have so much?
That sounds bad, but to someone who has issues with food, eating too much & eating the wrong things, it's normal for us. We want to eat more than we should, & sometimes we regret it (but not always!). We look at that salad & think: that's it? That's all I get? Why can't I just go to Target & buy a frozen pizza & have that instead? Won't that fill me up more than a stupid salad?
I'm trying to lose weight. Really, I am. I joined a gym, I workout regularly. I hesitate to say "and I watch what I eat," because really, I still want to eat all the crap-for-you-but-tastes-so-good food. I'm starting to say, "Okay. You can get a frozen pizza, but don't eat the whole thing at once. Just have 1 serving & save the rest for later." To someone who thinks that pizza is something that isn't good for you, even this seems gross. But to someone who is used to eating whatever she wants, whenever she wants, 1 serving doesn't seem like quite enough.
I'm trying to make it enough. I'm trying to have a protein bar after I work out every day, so that when I get home, I'm not super hungry already & want to eat everything in site. I'm trying to stop myself at one serving, because more than that got me to where I am. I am still learning what foods make me have the runs & make me feel sick to my stomach, & what foods do not taste good AT ALL. For instance: I LOVE macaroni & cheese. Like LOVE. I would eat it every day for the rest of my life if I could. But I'm pretty sure I'm allergic to something in the boxed macaroni & cheese that you get from the store, because within 12-ish hours of eating it, I get this really weird rash/redness in both my armpits. I don't get it anywhere else, & I don't get it when I have the crockpot macaroni & cheese, just the boxed kinds. I know, weird, right? But it goes away with time that I don't eat the boxed kinds, & with the help of hydrocortisone cream every night. I'm learning that there are some foods that used to not give me any sort of reaction, & now they give me the runs 5 minutes after I eat them (read: scootcharoos, anything with a heavy amount of cheddar cheese, etc.). I'm learning that I don't mind protein smoothies, as long as they taste like the frozen pink salad/dessert my mom made growing up.
It's slow going, but I'm learning. And I'm always open to suggestions/helpful advice. :)
